Friday, December 3, 2010

Personal Space Invaderz

Miss Barfs-A-Lot & The SnuggleBug

AKA my Cats, Peanut and Squirt. Peanut is the gray Calico and Squirt is a year-round Halloween kitty, all in black. Now, I am not a totally crazy cat lady. I hold firmly to being about 30 years and 10 cats shy of that illustrious status (but not Hoarder territory, that shit stuff is whack).

I call Peanut Miss Barfs-A-Lot for what should be obvious reasons. Also I think she is strategic in her barfing, because if I do something that makes her mad (like try to give her Hairball Remedy so she wont barf so much) she will barf on something I like. Of course, she hates hairball remedy. She actually makes a FACE when I get it out of the cupboard! And being brushed it like torture to her. So naturally, she has the worst hairballs EVER. And is a creeper. And has acne.

That’s right: Acne. As in Blackheads. On her chin. Gross. Evidently this is "normal" and I’m "just" supposed to put some topical acne medicine (read: Stridex or Oxy) on her chin and that will help. So I did. And then she threw up on my favorite scarf.

She has also learned how to open cupboards and crawl inside. It’s like I have a damned two-year-old and need to childproof my house. I don’t have kids yet.

The SnuggleBug, however, is a totally different story. She has no blackheads (that I know of), no interest in exploring my cupboards, and loves Hairball Remedy. And only has the occasional hairball. Of course. She just wants me to hold her. ALL. THE TIME. Just carry her around, like a baby. If I don’t or won’t, she follows me around and cries at me. She doesn't bitch, no, that’s Miss Barfs-A-Lot’s job. Just sad, pitiful, mournful cries. She also smacks me when I dare walk away from her.

Miss Barfs-A-Lot also learned how to kick open the sliding screen door to our third floor balcony so she could give me heart attacks. And she taught The SnuggleBug, who got herself locked out there for a whole day, because I didn’t see her out there because she is a ninja.

I call them my Personal Space Invaders because that’s what they do: Invade my Personal Space. They have NO sense of boundaries. And they are my posse. WERRRD.

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